Category: Joke Board
Q: What is the dumbest part of a man's body?
A: The penis! It has a head with no brain, hangs out with two nuts, and lives around the corner from an asshole!
Husband Wanted
A 75-year-old single woman finally decided to settle down and get married so she placed an ad in the newspaper that read "Husband Wanted! Must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed." A few days later there was a knock at the door. She opened it to find herself staring at a man in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. "I'm here about your want ad." he said. "you can't be serious." she said. "You don't expect me to consider you, do you? You have no arms." "Therefore no way to beat you." "You have no legs." "Therefore, I can't run around on you." He smiles. She then asks, "Well, are you still good in bed?" He lets out an ear to ear girn. "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
Little Red Riding Hood was walking in the forest when the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree. He held a machete to her throat and said, "I'm going to screw your brains out!" She calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a 44 magnum shotgun. She pointed it at the Wolf's head and shouted, "NO YOU'RE NOT!!! YOU'RE GOING TO EAT ME LIKE IT SAYS IN TH E BOOK!"
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He heard that teh farmer liked to beat his cock!
Q: Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?
A: She kept sitting on Pinokio's head and moaning, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
I know I spelled that last name wrong but I did it on purpose for the sake of Jaws pronunciation.
lol the first one was the best, IMO.
Thanks.
lol. like the last one
lol glad I could provide some entertainment.
Q: What is another name for pickled bread?
A: Dildo
3 gay men whose partners had just died sat in the waiting room of a funeral planner. They all planned to have their partners cremated and were discussing what they would do with the ashes. The first said, "My partner loved to fly so I am going up in a plane and drop his ashes out so he can fly for all eternity." The second man said, "Mine loved to fish so I'm going to our favorite lake and putting his ashes in the water so he can be at sea for all eternity." The third man replied, "My partner was so good in bed, I'm going to put his ashes in a bowl of chili and eat it so he can tear my ass one last time."
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute, but can it pick up peanuts?
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me!
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?
A: They both insert bills
Q: How is a man like a deck of cards?
A: You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to bash his fucking head in, and a spade to bury the bastard.
2 kids were going for a walk when they saw a naked woman bathing in the lake. The first turned and ran away as fast as he could. The second one followed and asked, "Why are you running away?" The first boy replied, "My mommy said if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone. She must have been telling the truth cuz when I saw that woman, my dick started.
3 men stood on the Empire State Building, a white man, a mexican, and a black man. They all wanted to see who had the biggest dick. The white man thought he did so he pulled it out and dropped it down the building. It went to the fourth floor. The mexican laughed and dropped his. It went to teh second floor. The black man laughed his ass off and, bewildered, the other two asked him what is so funny. "I got you both beat," He said. He dropped his down and, after several seconds, started to jump around. "What are you doing?" the other two queried. "I'm dodging traffic.
3 blondes were walking in the desert when they found a lamp with a genie and each got one wish. The first wished to be 10% smarter s she turned into a redhead. The second wanted to be 25% smarter so she became a brunette. The third wanted to be 25% dumber so she turned into a man.
Sorry guys. No meaning in that last one.